Archive for the marwinisms Category

looking for a period.

Posted in marwinisms on June 3, 2012 by armedlittleboy

Let me say this straight and let me say it clear, I am looking for a period and not a comma. I am looking for a period because I need a period not a series of commas that result to a confusing compounded sentence full of thoughts but empty of meaning.

I need you to be clear. I want you to be lucid. It does not matter whether you will kiss me or slap me. What I am just asking is that when you do choose to kiss me, I want that kiss to be wet, intrusive, and eternal. I want that kiss to be so honest that the moment my lips meet yours, our tongues would just intertwined with one another, melting into one long connection between who you are and what I am.

But if you do happen to choose to slap me, I want that slap to sting, to mark, to reverberate. I want that slap to be so hard that it would make my head turn sideways, leaving no doubt about your intentions and leaving me with no doubt about my pain.

I need you to give me certainty. It does not matter what kind, as long as it is definite and immovable. I need to be certain of where you will leave me or if you do choose, where you will start the journey with me. I need you to give me that period because that will be my compass that will help me find my way to where I am meant to be. Whether it is with you or without you, it does not matter. I just need to keep on moving, to go on with my life, to progress. I need a new chapter. I need that period.

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repost: ayokong magka lab-layf

Posted in marwinisms on June 3, 2012 by armedlittleboy

ayokong maglablayf kase ayokong napupuyat. ayokong nawawalan ng pagkakataon makatulog dahil palagi kayo magkasama pero wala naman kayo ginagawa.

ayokong nawawalan ng oras mag gym kasi yayayain ka nya  na manood na lang ng sine o kumain o mamasyal o kumain o magkape o kumain. ayokong tumaba.

ayokong nauubusan ng pera kasi palagi kayong may date. palagi kayong lumalabas. kailangan may regalo pag monthsary, anniversary, valentines, birthday. ilang sapatos at pantalon rin sana mabibili ko dun sa pera na pinanlalabas namin.

ayokong palaging absent sa picture pag may event ang barakada o ang pamilya kasi palaging busy sa kanya.  ayokong nawawala na lang bigla sa mga plano at di mahagilap ng mga kaibigan kasi nag-aadik sa isang tao. ayoko yung kelangan pa silang suyuin ulit at mag sorry na naging out of touch para lang may kainuman pag nag break kayo ng kinaadikan mo.

ayoko ang feeling na may naka-attach sa akin na heart monitor at kailangan ko itext kung ano ginagawa ko, asan ako, kamusta ako, sino kasama ko, kumain na ba ako at kung anu-ano pa on a regular basis. ayokong tumira sa big brother house.

ayokong palaging may consultation. saan tayo pupunta? ano gagawin natin? maganda ba to? bagay ba? san tayo kakain? ayokong palaging iconsider ang gusto nya at ibalance yun sa gusto ko para masabi na we compromise.

ayokong magkalablayf kase ayokong kabahan na baka matapos na agad. na baka ayaw na nya. na baka masanay ako sa mga gusto nya kainin, puntahan, panoorin, sa sleeping habits nya, sa mga trip nya, na kapag nawala sya yun pa rin ang gagawin ko, kakainin ko, pupuntahan ko- yun nga lang ako na lang mag-isa.

ayokong magkalablayf kase ayokong mag-invest ng oras, ng panahon, ng pera, ng tiwala, ng pag-asa sa isang bagay na maari din naman mawala.

at higit sa lahat, ayokong magkalablayf kase ang pangit naman tignan kung gustong-gusto kong maglablayf pero wala pa rin hanggan ngayon. mas ok na yung ayoko at least pag may nagtanong kung bakit wala akong kahawak ng kamay,  sasabihin ko ‘eh ayaw ko eh’. single na nga ako, mawawalan pa ko ng self-esteem sa inability ko na magkalablayf. wag na uy. ayaw ko naman talaga eh. ayaw ko. ayaw ko. ayaw ko. pramis.

my 2012 resolutions

Posted in marwinisms on December 31, 2011 by armedlittleboy

1. Manage my money MORE wisely.

2. Be a LITTLE less jaded on love.

3. Cry AND laugh more often, more willingly.

4. SMILE.

5. Push myself MORE willingly out of the door to explore the world.

6. Speak LOUDER, listen more CLOSELY.

7. Trust the universe.

8. Be LESS concerned with time and more intent on having fun.

9. Be more CLEAR about my priorities.

10. GROW younger.

reflections

Posted in marwinisms on October 23, 2011 by armedlittleboy

it’s been a long time since i last wrote here. the way a writer should write, with his pen in his hand and his strokes from his heart. it is a difficult thing, this writing. it makes you reflect on things that resist reflecting on, it makes you think about dangerous stuff and fragile make-believes. it makes you stop in the mad rush that your life has become and asks the question that you have long been evading: is it really worth it?

last night i leafed through my 2011 planner and realized how the year is fast approaching its end. just a couple of months and 2011 is all over. i went back to january and read my entries one by one. meetings, presentations, deadlines, a get-together, more meetings, workshops, deadlines, presentations, a night-out with friends, more meetings, more deadlines. i turned to february, then march, then april, until all the entries are gone. this is what my life has become: a endless line of meetings and deadlines punctuated with the occasional parties and night outs. and no, those meetings are not about feeding the hungry and helping the poor. those deadlines are not about doing my share to save the world.

those meetings and deadlines are all about the pay check that i will receive at the end of each bitchy month so that i can buy all the things i need to try to salve this gaping hole in me that goes by the name of purpose. those meetings and deadlines are all about pseudo accomplishments and praises that help distract me from this sinking feeling i sometimes call lost. those meetings and deadlines help me breakdown my year into minuscule  irritants that would create the illusion of time flying by so fast that i’m actually enjoying life.

2 months to go before the year ends. 2 months to go.

quote for the day

Posted in marwinisms on March 19, 2011 by armedlittleboy

“Puso lang yan, malayo sa bituka”

to kindle or not to kindle?

Posted in marwinisms on March 6, 2011 by armedlittleboy

My mom has been bugging me for weeks to do another inventory of the books I want to give to a nearby school. She is planning to have our house repainted and she wants to clear away as much clutter from our storage room as possible. I finally obliged a while ago and came up with 3 large bags and 1 big box full of books to give (see picture). It was not an easy thing for me to do but I guess I have to do it regularly if I don’t want to have our house turn into one big storage facility.

Looking at the stacks of books I will be giving away this time made me consider having a Kindle. I already thought of getting one months ago but back then the thrill of going to a bookstore and browsing its shelves made me stick to the printed versions. But right now I’m seriously considering a Kindle once again. Having one means not having to contend with the accumulation of books in our house, saving paper (which hopefully will contribute to saving trees), and having a new gadget to play with (I confess, the last reason is such a temptress).

birthdays

Posted in marwinisms on October 25, 2010 by armedlittleboy

i had my birthday (again) two weeks ago. inching closer and closer to my third decade in this sometimes wonderful, most often so so, but always sunshiny world.

i am getting older but i am not getting any older.

i still like playing pranks, reading archie comics, and singing sesame street’s ‘sunny days’. and this makes me worry. while people around my age are already starting a family, buying insurance left and right, and practically transforming their lives, i can be found scouring bookstore shelves, fitting clothes, or just oversleeping beside my elmo stuffed toy.

it IS worrying.

i feel like a student that forgot to do a really important assignment. i feel that i should have done something, should be doing something, but i just don’t know what that something is. the season of cramming is fast approaching once again.

but while im still trying to figure out what i should have already done, should be doing, and should do in the coming years, let me just oversleep, with elmo staring right unto my face, one more time.