Archive for June, 2012

looking for a period.

Posted in marwinisms on June 3, 2012 by armedlittleboy

Let me say this straight and let me say it clear, I am looking for a period and not a comma. I am looking for a period because I need a period not a series of commas that result to a confusing compounded sentence full of thoughts but empty of meaning.

I need you to be clear. I want you to be lucid. It does not matter whether you will kiss me or slap me. What I am just asking is that when you do choose to kiss me, I want that kiss to be wet, intrusive, and eternal. I want that kiss to be so honest that the moment my lips meet yours, our tongues would just intertwined with one another, melting into one long connection between who you are and what I am.

But if you do happen to choose to slap me, I want that slap to sting, to mark, to reverberate. I want that slap to be so hard that it would make my head turn sideways, leaving no doubt about your intentions and leaving me with no doubt about my pain.

I need you to give me certainty. It does not matter what kind, as long as it is definite and immovable. I need to be certain of where you will leave me or if you do choose, where you will start the journey with me. I need you to give me that period because that will be my compass that will help me find my way to where I am meant to be. Whether it is with you or without you, it does not matter. I just need to keep on moving, to go on with my life, to progress. I need a new chapter. I need that period.

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repost: ayokong magka lab-layf

Posted in marwinisms on June 3, 2012 by armedlittleboy

ayokong maglablayf kase ayokong napupuyat. ayokong nawawalan ng pagkakataon makatulog dahil palagi kayo magkasama pero wala naman kayo ginagawa.

ayokong nawawalan ng oras mag gym kasi yayayain ka nya  na manood na lang ng sine o kumain o mamasyal o kumain o magkape o kumain. ayokong tumaba.

ayokong nauubusan ng pera kasi palagi kayong may date. palagi kayong lumalabas. kailangan may regalo pag monthsary, anniversary, valentines, birthday. ilang sapatos at pantalon rin sana mabibili ko dun sa pera na pinanlalabas namin.

ayokong palaging absent sa picture pag may event ang barakada o ang pamilya kasi palaging busy sa kanya.  ayokong nawawala na lang bigla sa mga plano at di mahagilap ng mga kaibigan kasi nag-aadik sa isang tao. ayoko yung kelangan pa silang suyuin ulit at mag sorry na naging out of touch para lang may kainuman pag nag break kayo ng kinaadikan mo.

ayoko ang feeling na may naka-attach sa akin na heart monitor at kailangan ko itext kung ano ginagawa ko, asan ako, kamusta ako, sino kasama ko, kumain na ba ako at kung anu-ano pa on a regular basis. ayokong tumira sa big brother house.

ayokong palaging may consultation. saan tayo pupunta? ano gagawin natin? maganda ba to? bagay ba? san tayo kakain? ayokong palaging iconsider ang gusto nya at ibalance yun sa gusto ko para masabi na we compromise.

ayokong magkalablayf kase ayokong kabahan na baka matapos na agad. na baka ayaw na nya. na baka masanay ako sa mga gusto nya kainin, puntahan, panoorin, sa sleeping habits nya, sa mga trip nya, na kapag nawala sya yun pa rin ang gagawin ko, kakainin ko, pupuntahan ko- yun nga lang ako na lang mag-isa.

ayokong magkalablayf kase ayokong mag-invest ng oras, ng panahon, ng pera, ng tiwala, ng pag-asa sa isang bagay na maari din naman mawala.

at higit sa lahat, ayokong magkalablayf kase ang pangit naman tignan kung gustong-gusto kong maglablayf pero wala pa rin hanggan ngayon. mas ok na yung ayoko at least pag may nagtanong kung bakit wala akong kahawak ng kamay,  sasabihin ko ‘eh ayaw ko eh’. single na nga ako, mawawalan pa ko ng self-esteem sa inability ko na magkalablayf. wag na uy. ayaw ko naman talaga eh. ayaw ko. ayaw ko. ayaw ko. pramis.