Archive for October, 2010


Posted in marwinisms on October 25, 2010 by armedlittleboy

i had my birthday (again) two weeks ago. inching closer and closer to my third decade in this sometimes wonderful, most often so so, but always sunshiny world.

i am getting older but i am not getting any older.

i still like playing pranks, reading archie comics, and singing sesame street’s ‘sunny days’. and this makes me worry. while people around my age are already starting a family, buying insurance left and right, and practically transforming their lives, i can be found scouring bookstore shelves, fitting clothes, or just oversleeping beside my elmo stuffed toy.

it IS worrying.

i feel like a student that forgot to do a really important assignment. i feel that i should have done something, should be doing something, but i just don’t know what that something is. the season of cramming is fast approaching once again.

but while im still trying to figure out what i should have already done, should be doing, and should do in the coming years, let me just oversleep, with elmo staring right unto my face, one more time.



Posted in Uncategorized on October 25, 2010 by armedlittleboy

The Uses of Nostalgia

Lawrence Raab


Twenty years ago there was a life for each of us

to turn away from or embrace. A song returns to remind me

of what I must have felt,

and when it’s over, I play it back again.

Each time it’s true.

Don’t we look beautiful in the picture

no one ever took,

the clear sky unfurled above us, the wind

ruffling our hair,

everybody’s real life just about to begin?


I know nostalgia

wants to make the present

feel bereft: a way of pretending,

neither the truth, nor invention.


as a disease;

sentimental yearning for the past.

First love. Second love. All that brilliance

the years have blurred, if not disproved.

Making the big play and winning the game.

Season after season, someone does it.


Above us the fan was slowly circling.

It was a room in which others must have made love often, and sometimes

both of them felt good about it.

As we did just then, our bodies allowing us the aftermath

that’s sweeter than desire—

and a whole day to follow in which every small gesture

had already been explained.


Sometimes I can hear

the teacher in me speaking so passionately

about the world inside a book I’m sure

no one will leave the room unchanged. Until I notice

who isn’t paying attention, disappointed

when it’s the prettiest girl

fiddling with her notes, no reader

for the poem so exact

it could make her fall in love.

And I haven’t forgotten nights

when desire was an instruction

my body refused to believe.

Then we had nothing that was right

to say to each other.


Then it’s not the past

I yearn for, but the idea

of a time when everything important

has not yet happened:

love, fame, happiness—

unrealized, yet certain,

like the moment when we take our places

in a theater:

that slow falling of the lights,

that hush

as the unseen curtain rises.

my mom is super OA

Posted in mom on October 23, 2010 by armedlittleboy

(me still asleep at 11am)

*pounding on my bedroom door

mom: hoy buhay ka pa dyan?!!

me (woke up with a start): W.