Archive for May, 2010

my mom is a wise ass 2

Posted in mom on May 29, 2010 by armedlittleboy

(while watching the nightly news)

reporter (on location along EDSA): ang biglang pag-ulan ay nagdulot ng paninikip ng trapiko dito sa may quezon city… kung makikita ninyo sa likod ko, mabagal ang pagdaan ng mga sasakyan…

mom: paano di babagal eh nakaharang ka sa daan

28

Posted in Uncategorized on May 27, 2010 by armedlittleboy

it was almost midnight when we sat on one of the park benches beside the elevated buttocks of the granitized jose rizal. two lampposts are dead while another one flickers desperately as the full moon tries its best to compensate for the lack of lighting. at the far end of the park a beggar is sleeping. on the opposite side a group of pre-pubescent jejemons are laughing their hearts out as they assault their lungs with cigarette smoke. on the darkest part of the park, under the century old balete tree, a group of street kids are having the time of their lives sniffing rugby from plastic bags. then from out of nowhere a shout was heard and three drunk men came into view arguing about some trivial things. one of them pushed the other one and the third kept pointing at something. the rugby group, seemingly amused, approached the drunks and made taunting noises. the beggar woke up, irritated. he picked up his belongings and left. the jejemons also exited quietly, without a sinlge jejeje noise being heard from them. i stayed sitting on the bench. close to you, the periphery of my body touches the periphery of yours. and as the rugbies pushed the drunks and as the drunks pushed back the rugbies, i stayed put. why should i leave? i have found my security.

the missing piece meets the Big O (from fati)

Posted in Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 by armedlittleboy

in peace

Posted in Uncategorized on May 23, 2010 by armedlittleboy

it was almost noon by the time that we remembered. an oh-by-the-way kind of moment. you were watching a tv program where contestants fling themselves into the air while i was reading a book where the characters fling themselves against each other (with all these flinging around us, it is ironic how we desperately try to hold on to our own private spaces).

you were actually the one that remembered, just before the winner is announced. you turned your head away from the tv to look at me and said ‘its the death anniversary of your father today’.

‘oh’ i replied, looking up from the book that i was trying to escape to, right before you turned your attention back to your show. it was the best i can muster, an ‘oh’. i would have liked to feel a mild panic, or a sort of guilt, or maybe even a hint of sadness, but unfortunately i could not come up with something appropriate. except for an oh.

‘we should go to the cemetery later’ you said, trying to engage me and maybe share some of the guilt you are feeling from forgetting this date.

but i did not respond. i have used the last of my ohs and it is too much of an effort to come up with anything else. i am deeply sorry. but unlike the due dates of my bills, the deadlines of my projects, and maybe even the schedule of the cinema screenings, the date of his passing does not stir me to do or feel anything. for all i felt all those years ago was relief. relief, and nothing else. forgive me.

office 1

Posted in Uncategorized on May 20, 2010 by armedlittleboy

(in a meeting that has been going on for more than an hour and a half)

office mate 1: i think the question is whether we want to enlarge the pie

office mate 2: well let us not forget that the first objective that we have stated is the need to increase our share in the existing pie

office mate 3: but can we actually increase the size of the pie through channel?

office mate 4: you know this is a much bigger task than just increasing our share of the current pie. i think we have to start small first then proceed to increasing the pie size as the next target

me (thinking): pie? what pie? i thought this meeting is about milk?

first day observations

Posted in Uncategorized on May 16, 2010 by armedlittleboy

(840am): i was stunned. a whole floor of cubicles opened in front of me, the biggest accumulation of cubicles i have ever seen in my entire life. as i wade through the middle of it trying to find my assigned hole, i could not help but have flashes of sweat shop images i saw on TV the other week. weird. weird why i have come to associate this office with sweat shops. it is however an astounding feat for this company to make an office full of laptop computers, swivel chairs, and corporate dresses look like a one big factory of computer motherboards. kudos to the interior designer who really took the aesthetic of minimalism to the fullest. *clap clap.

(8:42am): as my shoes continue to clip clop on the linoleum floor (pfizer’s floor is carpeted) i was awed by the utmost concentration being exhibited. there must be close to forty people on the floor but not a single conversation can be heard. they are all hypnotized by their computer screens. makes me wonder whether their jobs are really that engrossing or their just being busy facebooking (until i learned facebook is blocked aaarrrggghhh, it must be their jobs then).

(9:14): but amidst all this gloom (work is not a form of uppers for me) i discovered free coffee! weeeeeeeee! and not just coffee, but those fancy kinds of coffee such as cappuccino, cafe latte, and cafe mocha. and iced tea too! and lemonade! liters and liters of free beverages all day long!

(10:20am): there is a really fat guy on the floor. really fat. he sits on a special chair.

(11am): facebook is blocked!!!

(11:25am): one good thing about having busy office mates is that they fail to notice me sneaking out of my cubicle to have an early lunch

(11:34am): rockwell does seem to offer a limited range of places to eat. there is jollibee, kfc, and kenny rogers. the rest are either too expensive or have names that are too hard to pronounce thus they must be much more expensive than the expensive ones.

(2:10pm): free M_ _ _ too!

(3:40pm): unbelievable. i went to poop and the toilet bowls in this place have a built in bidet! i just have to turn a knob and a gush of water is sprayed against my ass. wow. look mommy, no hands!

(4pm): those quaker oats cookies are really good. better than their granola bars.

(4:50pm): uh oh. it seems my watch is 10 minutes advanced from the company clock. and here i am thinking its 5pm already geeeezzz.

(5:02pm): still 28 minutes to go??!!

(5:30pm) i am standing up. i am getting my bag. i am leaving my cubicle. everyone is still working hard. uhm does not bode well for my life.

what i learned today

Posted in Uncategorized on May 9, 2010 by armedlittleboy

we all should learn something new each day. here are some of the things i learned from my ever reliable boredom busting ipod application:

1. Horses cannot vomit and pigs cannot look up to the sky
2. Bananas contain a natural chemical which can make a person happy. This same chemical is also found in Prozac
3. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air
4. A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
5. The most fatal car accidents occur in Saturdays.
6. Tasmania has the cleanest air in the inhabited world.
7. Next to man, the porpoise is the most intelligent creature on earth.
8. Crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain.
9. Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults laugh on average only 15 times a day.
10. All mammals, except man and monkey are color blind.