Archive for July, 2009

roller coaster

Posted in Uncategorized on July 26, 2009 by armedlittleboy

i love roller coasters. sometimes.

it gives a thrill like no other ride can give. its ups. its downs. its 360 turns.the corkscrews.

it makes me scream. it makes me laugh. it makes my heart pound.

its exhilirating.

but i can only take several seconds of it. barely more than a minute.

then i want to get off.

i cant spend my whole life in a roller coaster.

its not conducive for holding  hands. for hugging. for making plans about the future, together.

all i can do is scream. and anticipate the next turn.

excitement after excitement after excitement. on the same tracks. over and over again.

remember the pond with big pedal boats in the shape of a swan?

it has pedals for two people to be used to navigate the swan.

i have never ridden on a swan.

it seems boring. tiring. pointless.

but come to think of it, it goes somewhere at least.

still within the pond yes, but still somewhere.

and one has all the time (while pedaling) to hold hands. to hug.

to look in eyes that hope for more.

i am a shoe.

Posted in marwinisms on July 4, 2009 by armedlittleboy

(note: work of fiction)

when every relationship you enter into always succeeds in failing

one cannot help thinking: is it me that has a problem?

if im going to string a bean for every attempt at a happy lovelife, i would already have made a bunch of rosaries,

prayer beads for the desperate.

i would like to think that im getting better after every failures,

that im learning a lesson from each fall, and rising up to become a better partner.

that i am more patient,

i am more understanding,

i am more willing to exert more effort to making it work.

but somehow, it doesnt seem to be the case.

there is always a snag, an imperfection.

yes i am patient, but i am not sweet.

yes i am understanding, but i do not have enough time.

i am like a child of a perfectionist parent.  i will never live up to the gold standard.

i am the factory defect, always getting pulled from the assembly line.

there is always something wrong.

but then maybe not.

maybe there is nothing that i need to change about me.

like a good pair of shoes,

i cannot be worn with just any kind of clothes,

i only match with certain outfits that one wears only in certain situations.

when flying a kite and eating popsicles.

while picking daisies on a hill.

during full moon nights with Fur Elise playing in the background.

i am a shoe that is waiting for the perfect feet.

for the right clothes.

for the right context.

and when these come.

i will be a smashing hit.