the problem with consistently failing is that even on the verge of winning, one tends to still fear the possibility of going home alone. one is on the alert for that first signs of declining interest or cooling passion.
Life has trained me well.
i need to do that. i need to brace myself. i need to be aware of the smallest tremors so that i can ready myself for the great quake. just like donning protective gears, i will shut down each of my senses from the assault that you effortlessly exude. a helmet against your smiles. a lifesaver against your promises.
it makes it easier for me to rebuild what will be left when you leave. for believe me, even with all these preparations, it would never be easy. it can never be easy.
picking up the pieces, i am reminded of the wasted efforts, the lying moments, the pointless plans. i see the future, of doing it all over again, and i feel tired. again. over and over again.
but i am getting too far. we are just starting. we are just building what will be broken. carefully assembling the pieces as if it will stand the test of time. we are hopeful.
i am tired.
Life has taught me well.