love in the science lab

the study of love is one of the sub-discipline of social psychology. it basically aims to explain the complex, euphoria-inducing, tingling-causing, and till-death-do-us-part phenomena of love, loving, and interpersonal attraction.

and as expected, such a complex topic elicited theories after theories of explanation. some of which are the following:

1. Reinforcement theories- simply put, liking for a person results when one experiences reward in the presence of that person, thus you dont really like the person, what you like is the rewards you happen to experience while being with the person. Moreover, doing pleasant things (e.g. sex, pigging out) with a person can increase one’s liking for the person, even if the person is not particularly pleasant (thats why companies have outings).

so ito para ka lang bata. sasama sa kung sino man ang pumupunta palagi sa jollibee. ‘lika dali punta tayo jollibee’

2. Social exchange theories- people are attracted more to those others who provide more rewards and fewer punishments. People are also more willing to give up a lot to obtain the attentions of another if that person offers something unique that is not readily available from others. In simple terms, what is rarer is more sought after.

kaya pala mas in demand ang mga maiitim sa europe at mas gusto ng pinoy ang mga mapuputi. para lang pala damit, ayaw mo ng marami kang kapareho.

3. Cognitive consistency theories- this one is based on the assumption that individuals strive to keep their cognitions psychologically consistent with one another. Thus, if one finds oneself doing for someone things that are not very rewarding, one is liable to come to the conclusion that he or she must like that person, in that he or she would not do things for their own sake.

so ito para sa mga martyr, the more na gumagawa ka ng di mo gusto para sa partner mo, the more ka nahuhulog sa kanya kasi kailangan mo ijustify sa sarili mo kung bakit mo ginagawa ang mga bagay na yun. ‘e kse mahal ko sya’

4. the 2 component theory of passionate love- people should be vulnerable to experiencing love whenever they are intensely aroused physiologically. thus, one tends to fall in love with a person one shares a physiologically arousing experience with.

i dont believe in this so i wont explain it na.

5. An interruption theory of emotion in love- people feel emotion in close relationships to the extent that interruption of some kind in the interrelation with another (e.g. discovering that a partner is cheating) causes interruption of the attainment of within-person goals or desires (e.g. desire for exclusivity). Early in a relationship, when there is more uncertainty, the amount of interruption is substantial. As time goes on and the amount of uncertainty decreases (comfortable na kse kayo sa isat-isa) so does the amount of interruption. Therefore, people are less susceptible to feeling emotion in their close relationships (wala nang thrill). thus, romantic love is difficult to maintain in the long term (companionship na lang).

6. Evolutionary theory- in a very simplified version (sorry to the proponents), the theory claims that humans are instinctively predisposed to propagating their genes. Men would tend to impregnate as many women as they can to spread their genes (e.g. natural sa lalake ang mambabae), while women would tend to find a man that will not only impregnate her but will also have the resources to bring up their children (ok lang na may iba siya basta sa akin umuuwi, ergo: sa akin napupunta ang kinikita). It is believed that long term liaisons are not, evolutionarily, the natural state for humans. Thus, a lot of couples split up (or drift away from each other) when their children are fully grown.

7. Attachment theory of love- claims that relationship one had with one’s mother during infancy will determine one’s romantic relationships. Those familiar to horney’s attachment concept will recall the different types of attachment: secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent.

Secure lovers find it relatively easy to get close to others. they do not worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them. they are comfortable in depending on others and in having others depend on them.

Avoidant lovers are uncomfortable being close to others. they find it difficult to trust others completely and to depend on others. they get nervous when anyone gets too close and often they find that their partners in love want to become more intimate than they find comfortable.

Anxious-ambivalent lovers find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. they often worry that their partners do not really love them or will not want to stay with them. they want to merge completely with other people and this desire sometimes scare others away.

8. Triangular theory of liking and loving- holds that love can be understood in terms of 3 components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. For romantic love to exists, these 3 components need to be present in any relationship.

(to be continued)