Archive for August, 2008

naked.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25, 2008 by armedlittleboy

undress me.

in the unforgiving brightness of the wide awake day

and bear witness to my imperfections,

rip my clothes off my trembling body,

expose my torso,

scrutinize my groins,

and wonder at the waste of human evolution.

this is me in me

clothed in scars

and enveloped in distractions.

every inch of my skin is a fallacy

that would forever fail as a metaphor

for what you have aspired for me to be.

be the witness to the perfection of inadequacy

and realize the playfulness of the night.

you were fooled by the darkness,

seduced by the shadows,

and pained by the nude testament of my sadness.

arrhneo

Posted in Uncategorized on August 23, 2008 by armedlittleboy

TEN CONYOMANDMENTS

by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
(taken from The La Sallian-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle, conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you: The Ten Conyomandments.

1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO” pang-uri!
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.
ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”
“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”
ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”
“I know right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”


10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!
ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!

SM

Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2008 by armedlittleboy

(warning: mushy)

Sabi ng SM, ‘we have it all for you’

sabi ko naman, maaring totoo nga ito, dahil sa dinami-dami ng malls sa metro manila, sa SM malamang sa hindi ang palagi kong pipuntahan pag kailangan kong mag grocery, magbayad ng bills, at mag shopping

kahit na maraming tao

mahaba ang pila sa counter

at nasa mga dulong bahagi ang mga CR

SM pa rin ang madalas kong puntahan

kasi nga ‘we have it all for you’

kumpleto ang mga produkto, maraming mga brands, di mabilang ang pagpipilian

lahat ng hahanapin mo sa isang mall ay andun na, they have it all eh

huwag ka nga lang humanap ng pag-ibig o ng fulfillment o ng contentment

malaki ang chance na wala kang makikita, kung meron man im sure out of stock na ang mga ito at may waiting list pa for the next hundred years.

walang pag-ibig sa SM

at walang SM na pag-ibig

walang tao that will have it all for you,

no perfect person

nor will there ever be a perfect job, a perfect life.

parating may kulang

parating may hahanapin ka

sa pag-ibig, sa trabaho, sa buhay

kumbaga sa shopping list, meron at merong isang item na di mo machechekan

isang item na kahit anung gawin mong paghahanap ay di mo matatagpuan sa mall na pinasukan mo

pero nasa sa iyo kung pupunta ka sa ibang mall para sa item na yun o hahayaan mo na lang na di mo mabili

may lumilipat ng mall, meron naman hindi

pero kahit ilang beses kang lumipat

at kahit kaninong kamay ang hawak mo, o trabaho na ginagampanan mo

parating may kulang

parating may hahanapin ka

pero isang bagay ang di dapat makalimutan

ikaw ang gumawa ng shopping list

ikaw ang nagdadagdag ng items

at ikaw rin ang magbubura.

the next nobel laureate

Posted in Uncategorized on August 12, 2008 by armedlittleboy

words of wisdom from the ‘doctor of the moment’

SECRETS OF STAYING FIT AND HEALTHY

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
‘If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’

love in the science lab

Posted in Uncategorized on August 5, 2008 by armedlittleboy

the study of love is one of the sub-discipline of social psychology. it basically aims to explain the complex, euphoria-inducing, tingling-causing, and till-death-do-us-part phenomena of love, loving, and interpersonal attraction.

and as expected, such a complex topic elicited theories after theories of explanation. some of which are the following:

1. Reinforcement theories- simply put, liking for a person results when one experiences reward in the presence of that person, thus you dont really like the person, what you like is the rewards you happen to experience while being with the person. Moreover, doing pleasant things (e.g. sex, pigging out) with a person can increase one’s liking for the person, even if the person is not particularly pleasant (thats why companies have outings).

so ito para ka lang bata. sasama sa kung sino man ang pumupunta palagi sa jollibee. ‘lika dali punta tayo jollibee’

2. Social exchange theories- people are attracted more to those others who provide more rewards and fewer punishments. People are also more willing to give up a lot to obtain the attentions of another if that person offers something unique that is not readily available from others. In simple terms, what is rarer is more sought after.

kaya pala mas in demand ang mga maiitim sa europe at mas gusto ng pinoy ang mga mapuputi. para lang pala damit, ayaw mo ng marami kang kapareho.

3. Cognitive consistency theories- this one is based on the assumption that individuals strive to keep their cognitions psychologically consistent with one another. Thus, if one finds oneself doing for someone things that are not very rewarding, one is liable to come to the conclusion that he or she must like that person, in that he or she would not do things for their own sake.

so ito para sa mga martyr, the more na gumagawa ka ng di mo gusto para sa partner mo, the more ka nahuhulog sa kanya kasi kailangan mo ijustify sa sarili mo kung bakit mo ginagawa ang mga bagay na yun. ‘e kse mahal ko sya’

4. the 2 component theory of passionate love- people should be vulnerable to experiencing love whenever they are intensely aroused physiologically. thus, one tends to fall in love with a person one shares a physiologically arousing experience with.

i dont believe in this so i wont explain it na.

5. An interruption theory of emotion in love- people feel emotion in close relationships to the extent that interruption of some kind in the interrelation with another (e.g. discovering that a partner is cheating) causes interruption of the attainment of within-person goals or desires (e.g. desire for exclusivity). Early in a relationship, when there is more uncertainty, the amount of interruption is substantial. As time goes on and the amount of uncertainty decreases (comfortable na kse kayo sa isat-isa) so does the amount of interruption. Therefore, people are less susceptible to feeling emotion in their close relationships (wala nang thrill). thus, romantic love is difficult to maintain in the long term (companionship na lang).

6. Evolutionary theory- in a very simplified version (sorry to the proponents), the theory claims that humans are instinctively predisposed to propagating their genes. Men would tend to impregnate as many women as they can to spread their genes (e.g. natural sa lalake ang mambabae), while women would tend to find a man that will not only impregnate her but will also have the resources to bring up their children (ok lang na may iba siya basta sa akin umuuwi, ergo: sa akin napupunta ang kinikita). It is believed that long term liaisons are not, evolutionarily, the natural state for humans. Thus, a lot of couples split up (or drift away from each other) when their children are fully grown.

7. Attachment theory of love- claims that relationship one had with one’s mother during infancy will determine one’s romantic relationships. Those familiar to horney’s attachment concept will recall the different types of attachment: secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent.

Secure lovers find it relatively easy to get close to others. they do not worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them. they are comfortable in depending on others and in having others depend on them.

Avoidant lovers are uncomfortable being close to others. they find it difficult to trust others completely and to depend on others. they get nervous when anyone gets too close and often they find that their partners in love want to become more intimate than they find comfortable.

Anxious-ambivalent lovers find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. they often worry that their partners do not really love them or will not want to stay with them. they want to merge completely with other people and this desire sometimes scare others away.

8. Triangular theory of liking and loving- holds that love can be understood in terms of 3 components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. For romantic love to exists, these 3 components need to be present in any relationship.

(to be continued)

dahil wala akong magawa, umuulan, at may writer’s block ako

Posted in Uncategorized on August 4, 2008 by armedlittleboy

(not recommended for reading. pramis. walang kwenta)

ang lablayf ko ay parang olympics. bawat isa sa mga naging ex ko ay maihahalintulad sa mga larong bumubuo sa paligsahan na ito.

ex #1- 50 meter dash

kakasimula pa lang, natapos na agad. kumbaga sa boxing, knock out na sa first round pa lang. feeling mo tuloy di sulit yung binayad mo. nawala lang sa wala ang pinambili mo sa mga ticket sa sinehan, burgers sa jollibee, at pamasahe papunta at pabalik sa mga tagpuan.

na-realize ko na kahit gaano pala ko katagal nag train at nagdasal, isang pitik lang pwede ako tumumba. buti kamo na-uso ang mag celebrate ng monthsary, kaya at least isang beses nakatikim ako ng ‘yehey, tayo pa rin’ celebration.

ex #2- synchronized swimming

maganda tignan. may ritmo. may grace. parang magic. pero may katapusan ang routine. at malamang sa hindi hingal ang aabutin ng mga manlalaro ng event na ito. isang malaking effort para sa isang napakagandang palabas.

ito ang klaseng event sa olympics na hindi ang katapusan ang mahalaga. walang finish line. walang end of round 1. ito ang event na kung saan di lamang ang katapusan ang pinag-uusapan. kung hindi pati na rin ang simula, ang gitna, at ang bawat segundong paglutang, paglubog, at pag-ahon.

dito na-realize ko na ang magic pala ay pinaghihirapan. na sa ganitong event, hindi pwedeng siya lang ang lumalangoy, hindi pwedeng siya lang ang nag-eeffort. dahil kung hindi, lulubog kami pareho. natapos ang routine, napagod ako, napagod siya. pareho kaming hinihingal. pero, cliche man kung sabihin, totoong ‘its all worth the effort’.

ex #3- riffle shooting

ito ang sport na hindi pupuno ng stadium. at malaki ang chance na hindi ito mapapanood sa telebisyon. ito ang sport na walang nanonood.

kasi naman, sino ba ang manonood sa isang event na di mo alam ang nangyayari? mabibingi ka lang sa pagputok ng mga baril pero di mo alam kung natamaan ba o hindi ang target. saka mo na malalaman ang nangyayari pag tapos na ang lahat.

walang katiyakan. basta bumaril ka lang ng bumaril. di mo alam kung nananalo ka o natatalo. di mo alam kung ano na nga ba ang nangyayari. kung meron man o wala. magkasama nga kayo buong araw pero di mo alam ang totoong score. talo pa ang miss universe sa suspense. pero obviously, di ako ang nag uwi ng medalya. di ko natamaan ang target. at di ko alam kung bakit. basta ang sigurado ko, tinutok ko ang baril at pinindot ang trigger. yun lang. at ano mang apela ang gawin ko wala ng mangyayari. ubos na ang mga bala ko.

(tapos)

my mom is weird part 2

Posted in mom on August 3, 2008 by armedlittleboy

(calling overseas)

mom: teka yung sapatos na pinapabili mo anong klase ba?

me: basta running shoes

mom: anung kulay?

me: kahit ano ok lang

mom: gray gusto mo?

me: cge, pwede

mom: gusto mo ba yung parang may net o makinis na parang leather?

me: kahit ano basta running shoes

mom: yung may net gusto mo?

me: cge. kahit ano nga

mom: ok cge. nakabili na kasi ko. gray na parang may net

me: aaaaahhhh