10 tips for avoiding penile injuries
A friend sent me a link on ways to prevent penile injuries. this might prove useful for some men who likes to experiment with their penises and for women who have men who likes to experiment with their penises.
- Always remember that your penis and testicles are soft tissue through and through. There’s no bone to stop the blade/teeth/saw/gears/fan/propeller from cutting/grinding/chopping/smashing/pulverizing your meatstick into little bits. In view of this, never cook, ski, fight, drive, saw, weld, slam doors, operate machinery, play with the cat, play with the dog or lean over anything moving in the nude.
- Never attempt to leap over furniture whilst sporting an erection. Hard things can be broken, and I’m not talking about the furniture.
- Always be careful with that zipper.
- Never stick you penis through a hole in a fence unless you’re very sure of your footing.
- Never piss on anything proximate to a sign that reads “Danger – High Voltage.”
- Keep your dick out of that vacuum hose. Yeah I know. Dick Plus Suction = Feels Good. I’m guessing every guy has at least thought about it. Some intrepid pioneers have gone so far as to flick the on switch. I’ve seen the photos of the results and Bub, it ain’t pretty. Among the associated injuries: Shredding of the glans and degloving. Never heard of degloving? I’ll let you figure out what it means.
- Never stick a revolver into the waistband of your pants no matter how cool it looks on TV. Every man has thought about what could happen and I’m here to tell you… it happens.
- Never accept oral sex in a moving vehicle that may become a crashing vehicle in the throes of orgasm.
- Never teach your dog to eat food off your dick no matter how funny everyone thinks it is. Rover may take liberties and you really don’t want to be searching through the contents of a canine stomach looking for your dick.
- Always seek medical help as quickly as possible after any dick-injury, NO MATTER HOW EMBARRASSED YOU ARE. Okay, you’ve done something really stupid and now your dick’s all fucked up. A moment of abashment is in no way equal to a lifetime of peeing sitting down.