the absence of tears

I was left behind today.

I tried to cry.

Not because of that leaving.

But because of the leaving I did a month ago.

I cried back then because I felt that I lost something.

I have tried crying now because I realized what I have lost.

My friends are right. They told me that the best way to spot an imitation baseball cap is to put it side by side with an original. The imitation would look really dowdy beside it.

What they did not know is that it applies to relationships too.

Just resurfacing from a farce (it was pretty good), I now am able to appreciate the real thing.

And it hurts.

It hurts to know how stupid I have been to left something that is so hard to find.

It hurts to realize what I threw away is what most of us have been scrounging for, for such a long time.

It hurts to know I made the wrong decision and I am not sure if I can still turn back.

It hurts and I want to cry.

But no tears would come out.

Its as if my eyes refuse to shed tears for my stupidity.

Its as if they knew that I would stumble once again and so its better, in the interest of time and conservation of trees (tissue paper is made of trees, fyi) that I just do my crying in one big go.

Oh well, maybe theyre right.

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