on roads, bridges, and footpaths

often times, i come across the term crossroads when referring to life changing decisions one must face at some point in life

i have long been waiting for my crossroads

 the moment when i have to finally make a life altering decision that would determine my future

well its been years and i am on the brink of sleep and still no crossroads in sight

 no intersections where i would stand confused and indecisive

a question mark floating above my head

a spotlight focused on my troubled face

while the camera pans around me (naks)

instead

i realized

that what i have encountered in the road of my life (naks ulit) are bridges and foothpaths

bridges that i can either cross or not

foothpaths that i can either explore or ignore;

and crossing those bridges (or not crossing them but just walking by the bank<– river bank ito)

and exploring those foothpaths (or ignoring them)

have slowly and subtly (tama ba spelling?) changed my life and transformed who i am

for i have learned

that in life

crossroads are seldom encountered

instead, there are numerous bridges and foothpaths

small decisions that slowly change our lives

compromises that transform who we are

seemingly inconsequential choices of inconsequential things that when accumulated brings us into a whole new path that we never knew existed;

i have been waiting for my crossroads for so long

but instead a bridge (again) is in front of me

would i cross or not?

abangan