the next nobel laureate

words of wisdom from the ‘doctor of the moment’

SECRETS OF STAYING FIT AND HEALTHY

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
‘If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’

love in the science lab

the study of love is one of the sub-discipline of social psychology. it basically aims to explain the complex, euphoria-inducing, tingling-causing, and till-death-do-us-part phenomena of love, loving, and interpersonal attraction.

and as expected, such a complex topic elicited theories after theories of explanation. some of which are the following:

1. Reinforcement theories- simply put, liking for a person results when one experiences reward in the presence of that person, thus you dont really like the person, what you like is the rewards you happen to experience while being with the person. Moreover, doing pleasant things (e.g. sex, pigging out) with a person can increase one’s liking for the person, even if the person is not particularly pleasant (thats why companies have outings).

so ito para ka lang bata. sasama sa kung sino man ang pumupunta palagi sa jollibee. ‘lika dali punta tayo jollibee’

2. Social exchange theories- people are attracted more to those others who provide more rewards and fewer punishments. People are also more willing to give up a lot to obtain the attentions of another if that person offers something unique that is not readily available from others. In simple terms, what is rarer is more sought after.

kaya pala mas in demand ang mga maiitim sa europe at mas gusto ng pinoy ang mga mapuputi. para lang pala damit, ayaw mo ng marami kang kapareho.

3. Cognitive consistency theories- this one is based on the assumption that individuals strive to keep their cognitions psychologically consistent with one another. Thus, if one finds oneself doing for someone things that are not very rewarding, one is liable to come to the conclusion that he or she must like that person, in that he or she would not do things for their own sake.

so ito para sa mga martyr, the more na gumagawa ka ng di mo gusto para sa partner mo, the more ka nahuhulog sa kanya kasi kailangan mo ijustify sa sarili mo kung bakit mo ginagawa ang mga bagay na yun. ‘e kse mahal ko sya’

4. the 2 component theory of passionate love- people should be vulnerable to experiencing love whenever they are intensely aroused physiologically. thus, one tends to fall in love with a person one shares a physiologically arousing experience with.

i dont believe in this so i wont explain it na.

5. An interruption theory of emotion in love- people feel emotion in close relationships to the extent that interruption of some kind in the interrelation with another (e.g. discovering that a partner is cheating) causes interruption of the attainment of within-person goals or desires (e.g. desire for exclusivity). Early in a relationship, when there is more uncertainty, the amount of interruption is substantial. As time goes on and the amount of uncertainty decreases (comfortable na kse kayo sa isat-isa) so does the amount of interruption. Therefore, people are less susceptible to feeling emotion in their close relationships (wala nang thrill). thus, romantic love is difficult to maintain in the long term (companionship na lang).

6. Evolutionary theory- in a very simplified version (sorry to the proponents), the theory claims that humans are instinctively predisposed to propagating their genes. Men would tend to impregnate as many women as they can to spread their genes (e.g. natural sa lalake ang mambabae), while women would tend to find a man that will not only impregnate her but will also have the resources to bring up their children (ok lang na may iba siya basta sa akin umuuwi, ergo: sa akin napupunta ang kinikita). It is believed that long term liaisons are not, evolutionarily, the natural state for humans. Thus, a lot of couples split up (or drift away from each other) when their children are fully grown.

7. Attachment theory of love- claims that relationship one had with one’s mother during infancy will determine one’s romantic relationships. Those familiar to horney’s attachment concept will recall the different types of attachment: secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent.

Secure lovers find it relatively easy to get close to others. they do not worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them. they are comfortable in depending on others and in having others depend on them.

Avoidant lovers are uncomfortable being close to others. they find it difficult to trust others completely and to depend on others. they get nervous when anyone gets too close and often they find that their partners in love want to become more intimate than they find comfortable.

Anxious-ambivalent lovers find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. they often worry that their partners do not really love them or will not want to stay with them. they want to merge completely with other people and this desire sometimes scare others away.

8. Triangular theory of liking and loving- holds that love can be understood in terms of 3 components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. For romantic love to exists, these 3 components need to be present in any relationship.

(to be continued)

dahil wala akong magawa, umuulan, at may writer’s block ako

(not recommended for reading. pramis. walang kwenta)

ang lablayf ko ay parang olympics. bawat isa sa mga naging ex ko ay maihahalintulad sa mga larong bumubuo sa paligsahan na ito.

ex #1- 50 meter dash

kakasimula pa lang, natapos na agad. kumbaga sa boxing, knock out na sa first round pa lang. feeling mo tuloy di sulit yung binayad mo. nawala lang sa wala ang pinambili mo sa mga ticket sa sinehan, burgers sa jollibee, at pamasahe papunta at pabalik sa mga tagpuan.

na-realize ko na kahit gaano pala ko katagal nag train at nagdasal, isang pitik lang pwede ako tumumba. buti kamo na-uso ang mag celebrate ng monthsary, kaya at least isang beses nakatikim ako ng ‘yehey, tayo pa rin’ celebration.

ex #2- synchronized swimming

maganda tignan. may ritmo. may grace. parang magic. pero may katapusan ang routine. at malamang sa hindi hingal ang aabutin ng mga manlalaro ng event na ito. isang malaking effort para sa isang napakagandang palabas.

ito ang klaseng event sa olympics na hindi ang katapusan ang mahalaga. walang finish line. walang end of round 1. ito ang event na kung saan di lamang ang katapusan ang pinag-uusapan. kung hindi pati na rin ang simula, ang gitna, at ang bawat segundong paglutang, paglubog, at pag-ahon.

dito na-realize ko na ang magic pala ay pinaghihirapan. na sa ganitong event, hindi pwedeng siya lang ang lumalangoy, hindi pwedeng siya lang ang nag-eeffort. dahil kung hindi, lulubog kami pareho. natapos ang routine, napagod ako, napagod siya. pareho kaming hinihingal. pero, cliche man kung sabihin, totoong ‘its all worth the effort’.

ex #3- riffle shooting

ito ang sport na hindi pupuno ng stadium. at malaki ang chance na hindi ito mapapanood sa telebisyon. ito ang sport na walang nanonood.

kasi naman, sino ba ang manonood sa isang event na di mo alam ang nangyayari? mabibingi ka lang sa pagputok ng mga baril pero di mo alam kung natamaan ba o hindi ang target. saka mo na malalaman ang nangyayari pag tapos na ang lahat.

walang katiyakan. basta bumaril ka lang ng bumaril. di mo alam kung nananalo ka o natatalo. di mo alam kung ano na nga ba ang nangyayari. kung meron man o wala. magkasama nga kayo buong araw pero di mo alam ang totoong score. talo pa ang miss universe sa suspense. pero obviously, di ako ang nag uwi ng medalya. di ko natamaan ang target. at di ko alam kung bakit. basta ang sigurado ko, tinutok ko ang baril at pinindot ang trigger. yun lang. at ano mang apela ang gawin ko wala ng mangyayari. ubos na ang mga bala ko.

(tapos)

my mom is weird part 2

(calling overseas)

mom: teka yung sapatos na pinapabili mo anong klase ba?

me: basta running shoes

mom: anung kulay?

me: kahit ano ok lang

mom: gray gusto mo?

me: cge, pwede

mom: gusto mo ba yung parang may net o makinis na parang leather?

me: kahit ano basta running shoes

mom: yung may net gusto mo?

me: cge. kahit ano nga

mom: ok cge. nakabili na kasi ko. gray na parang may net

me: aaaaahhhh

Dahil wala akong magawa at umuulan

100 THING YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
nagdive ako facedown sa labahan namin nung bata pa. ayun basag ilong ko. may scar na, bali pa nose bridge.

2. WHATS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
posters ng pakikibaka

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
it looks smart. classy. dependable. (parang ako lang din pala hehe)

4 WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
kahit ano na di masyado maingay. kung maingay dapat may sense. kung may sense kahit maingay pde.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
10:50am. the  time the world smiled again.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
my own airline company

7. WHO DO YOU MISS?
me before the bills, the work, the growing up.

8. WHAT is/are YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?
my dog. (yes shine, i own you)

9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
libra

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
yes. ayoko ng masikip, madumi, mainit.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
no. i look better in the dark. hehe

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
si bernadette sembrano at ang kanyang docu

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
kishna ng body shop

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
black

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
who nga hirap na hirap ako eh, where pa. duh

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
kopi

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
mushrooms

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
ice cream. maraming maraming ice cream.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
my mom. past time na nya yun

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
gatas siguro, or pacifier, or feeding bottle

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
i like EVERYBODY. we are all god’s children (oha, pde na ba world vision?)

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
duh

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
anything cheap

25. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
mini cooper

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
shine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
isang malanding aso

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
ouch. leche. bakit ko ba nasagut-sagutan to.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
hug hug hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
8

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
depends where. hihi

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
psrc. may cheke na ba?

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
lint on a black shirt

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE PHIL?
i think so. they dont understand me there when i was shouting.

35. YOUR WEAKNESS?
social justice

37. FIRST JOB?
raising a parent bwahahaha

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
oh yes

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
fix my broken nose bridge

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
wala ako maisulat eh. ayaw ko naman ma disappoint avid fans ko

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my sunshiny disposition

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
armed revolution

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a diplomatic post to my native land, france

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
2. each evaporating after reaching the age of 7

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
yes. the patron of the hopeless cases. (mom, you trying to tell me something?)

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
yes

48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING?
witness the rain pelt the earth with dew while worrying about my shoes getting wet

49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?
pasta

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes. its from god. (world vision oh)

51. WHAT COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN?
philippines

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
fluctuating drive and motivation

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC?
wala. nde embarrassing ang aegis.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
of course. im so huggable. hehe

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
nope

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
maybe. if the lights are too bright.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
i think it through

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
with the people (toink)

59. EVER BEEN DRUNK?
medyo

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
lego

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE
what a useless question. next time if you cant come up with 100 interesting questions limit it to 25.

62.IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
paris or batanes

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
im sarcasm personified

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
too much sweat

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
shadup.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
darwin. arvin. arvs. dardar (pinatay ko na tumatawag skn nito)

70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
vanilla. chocolate

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)?
green

73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
school

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
such stupid questions…

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
no. they dont deserve the agony

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
run baby run. garbage

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
kopi

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
mom

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
boobs. pero kung di naman noticeable, eyes.

80. THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
i need to wake up

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
eh di si gloria DUH

82. FAVORITE ALCHOHOLIC DRINK(S)
tequila

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN?
wtf.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
tennis

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
black

86. EYE COLOR?
obviously nauubusan na sya ng itatanong.

87. HEIGHT?
hayz

88. FAVORITE ANIMAL?
dog

89. FAVORITE MONTH(s)?
are u serious?

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
oh god yes

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
the dark knight

92. FAVORITE DAY(s) OF THE YEAR?
christmas

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
beggars cant be choosers

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
sando

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
punyeta. malay ko.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
kafka on the shore

100. DO YOU LOVE ANYBODY?
stupid. buti tapos na.

bob ongism

im not really a bob ong reader

i have read only one book of his (abnkkbsnplko) though i was given another one by my boss (ang libro ni hudas— wonder if she’s trying to tell me something) which i havent had the enthusiasm to read yet

well one fine day ( i so love that song), i came upon an internet forum devoted to qoutable quotes from his books

some are really nice. so here goes…

1. “Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.”

2. “mahirap magmalasakit sa buong mundo habang natitisod ka sa mga nagkalat na pulubi sa sarili mong bansa.”

3. “kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak,pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan.”

4. “meron lang mga taong masarap gawan ng kabutihan tulad ni zhang ziyi. amen. zhang ziyi… pray for us”

5. “mangarap ka at abutin mo ‘to. wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. kung may pagkukulang sa’yo mga magulang mo, pwede kang manisi at maging rebelde. tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa bandang huli, ikaw din ang biktima. rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili.”

6. “mag-aral maigi; kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka sa pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher.”

7. “Ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay ay karapatan lamang ng mga taong gumagamit ng celfone at nakikipagkwentuhan sa loob ng sinehan.”

my mom is weird

the list my mom made of things she will buy in her 2 month vacation abroad (took a peek when she was not looking):

- running shoes (thats for me)

- sneakers (thats for me again)

- shirts (yep thats mine)

- jeans (who else? mine of course)

- coffee

- bag

- eyeliner

- juicer (hhmmm)

- pampatay ng insekto (her actual words)

- gripo (wtf??!!)

the art of wine drinking (or how to drink wine when you dont know how to drink wine)

relax.

a deep breath will help.

pretend you’re a connoisseur, don’t show excitement nor apprehension nor fear.

appreciate first the wine glass, its graceful ascension from the base to the tip of the rim (which will soon commune with your lips)

witness as the wine is poured, listen to its melodic sound and marvel at the purity of its color. never again will it look and sound as magical as the first time you witness its baring.

let it settle. let it breathe. let it relax and give it time to revert back to what it is really is.

then hold the stem of the glass and swirl the wine inside it.

make it feel that you are in control. at least for now.

then take a sip.

just a sip. you dont want to look desperate nor parched.

roll that within your mouth and feel the flavor and aroma invading your body.

remember, only take sips. prolong the art of surrender, the highlight of its invasion.

at the moment of letting go, let go. fully. feel your head whirl, your heart jump, your senses lost amidst the joyous tones of intoxication.

be one with the wine. celebrate the peak of oneness. in a few hours, tomorrow, or maybe days after you would reminisce about this.

sip as much as you can. but realize, that for every sip you take, you expose yourself to pains and aches you never imagine possible.

the day after you will wake up pretty much where you started. alone.

do not ever blame the wine. it was your hands that raised the glass to your lips.

but dont let this hold you back. every sip is worth every pain.

and as proof, you will go back, again and again to the bottle, to feel what you have lost.

and as you go back. it will feel as if youre drinking it again for the first time.

expectant. hopeful. vulnerable.

bitter pill

Its raining. The skies are dark. The air is cold.

I decided to reread ‘The Hours’. Its by Micheal Cunningham.

Probably the most depressing novel that I ever came across.

Its depressing.

Because its real.

It slaps you with the truth of your existence.

Its dark and cold out there.

It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realize that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book…What lives undimmed in Clarissa’s mind more than three decades later is a kiss at dusk on a patch of dead grass, and a walk around a pond as mosquitoes droned in the darkening air. There is still that singular perfection, and it’s perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other.

We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep. It’s as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out windows, or drown themselves, or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us are slowly devoured by some disease, or, if we’re very fortunate, by time itself. There’s just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds & expectations, to burst open & give us everything we’ve ever imagined, though everyone but children (and perhaps even they) know these hours will inevitably be followed by others, far darker and more difficult. Still, we cherish the city, the morning, we hope, more than anything for more. Heaven only knows why we love it so.

ramblings of a premature death

i wonder why in a world of 24/7 McDonalds, heavy duty batteries, and extended contact lenses…

my relationships never seem to get an extended shelf-life

i always get the instant, ready to eat, disposable encounters

that leave me feeling full and empty at the same time

the hunger pangs have ceased but still my mouth waters for real food.

at night, i have realized that a pillow is a poor substitute for a warm body.

maybe i can inject botox into every pseudo relationships in my life

but then again, who wants a long-lasting but inflexible companionship devoid of laugh lines?

the trouble with these type of pain relievers is that it tends to linger long after its efficacy

like echoes taunting and reminding you of their impending demise,

you still hear them as you popped in the next pill.

can one actually hold a bubble in one’s palm and bring it home to mother?

i tried and tried, but they always burst upon contact.

now i know what i should feel when watching a fireworks display,

amazement and wonder and sadness.

you light up the sky only to remind me of its darkness.