replay: si nanay (hindi ito based sa mga tunay na pangyayari. promise)

Nilitanya ni nanay kanina ang mga perwisyo sa kanyang buhay. Nakuha ko ang ika-apat na pwesto, pagkatapos ni aling inday na aming labandera na nasa ikatlo, ang palaging nasisira na telepono sa ikalawa, at si tatay na nakuha ang pinakamataas na parangal. Hindi na ako umasa na mananalo sa listahan dahil alam ko naman na runaway winner na si tatay, no contest kumbaga. Perfect 10! Knockout! Sure win!

Bakit ba naman siya matatalo eh multiple title holder na siya. Lasenggero, sabungero, sugalero, babaero, gago, tarantado, loko-loko, at kung ano pang nagtatapos sa o. Yan eh according sa nanay ko na medyo nagiging bias kapag naghihimay ng toge na iluluto. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron sa mga toge na sa tuwing uupo siya upang himayin ay bigla na lang siyang maglalabas ng kanyang mga sama ng loob. Para bang sa bawat paghimay ng toge ay hinihimay na rin niya ang kanyang saloobin sa buhay. Mabuti kamo at minsan sa isang buwan lang kami mag-ulam ng toge sa bahay.

Kadalasan kasi ay nagpapaksiw lang siya ng bangus o ng kanduli o ng ayungin o kung ano man ang pwedeng ipaksiw. Favourite kasi ng aso namin ang paksiw. Ayoko ng paksiw. Ergo, hindi ako ang favourite ni nanay. Matagal ko rin pinag-isipan kung bakit hindi ako ang favourite considering na ako lang naman ang anak niya, hanggang sa hindi na kinaya ng utak ko at tinanong ko na lang siya kung bakit mas pinili niya ang aso, hindi siya sumagot at sa halip ay kinuha niya ang isang supot ng toge mula sa ref. Mabilis akong umalis sa paningin niya. Mahirap na.

my 2012 resolutions

1. Manage my money MORE wisely.

2. Be a LITTLE less jaded on love.

3. Cry AND laugh more often, more willingly.

4. SMILE.

5. Push myself MORE willingly out of the door to explore the world.

6. Speak LOUDER, listen more CLOSELY.

7. Trust the universe.

8. Be LESS concerned with time and more intent on having fun.

9. Be more CLEAR about my priorities.

10. GROW younger.

amen

“As an atheist, I see nothing “wrong” in believing in a god. I don’t think there is a god, but belief in him does no harm. If it helps you in any way, then that’s fine with me. It’s when belief starts infringing on other people’s rights when it worries me. I would never deny your right to believe in a god. I would just rather you didn’t kill people who believe in a different god, say. Or stone someone to death because your rulebook says their sexuality is immoral. It’s strange that anyone who believes that an all-powerful all-knowing, omniscient power responsible for everything that happens, would also want to judge and punish people for what they are.” – Ricky Gervais

Kundiman

– Eman Lacaba

ang sabi mo pula ang paborito mo.

ang sabi ko puti ang paborito ko.

kagabi nang tayo’y dalawa’y nagkita,

nakapula ako at nakaputi ka.

my grown up christmas list

I was listening to the song ‘My grown up Christmas list’ (the Kelly Clarkson version) and it tells of how our wishes and fantasies during Christmas change as we grow older and wiser. When we were kids we would just want a toy or a shirt with our favorite cartoon character on it but as we grow up we realize the true meaning of Christmas and we desire for a different kind of gift. So here is my grown-up Christmas list:

1. The new Asus transformer tablet

2. A 13-inch Mac book pro or the latest Thinkpad T series laptop

3. An Omega watch

4. A home theater system

5. A new car

6. A condo unit in The Fort

7. My own restaurant

See, told you our Christmas wishes change =)

rehash

When I leave, sing no sad songs for me.

Just hum a couple of notes

From a long forgotten love song

Then stop.

Go to a convenience store,

Buy a beer

And toast our parting amidst tortilla chips

And tempura crackers.

After, crunch the can with the heel of your shoe

And exit without ceremony,

Don’t slam the car door,

A thud will do for my leaving.

As you step into your place

Don’t turn on an extra light

But don’t stay in the dark

Only tragedies require a significant change in lighting.

Climb into your bed

But don’t wet the sheets with tears,

No one will be there tomorrow to wash it.

And as you drift off to sleep

Don’t try to forget,

There is nothing worthwhile to be forgotten.

reflections

it’s been a long time since i last wrote here. the way a writer should write, with his pen in his hand and his strokes from his heart. it is a difficult thing, this writing. it makes you reflect on things that resist reflecting on, it makes you think about dangerous stuff and fragile make-believes. it makes you stop in the mad rush that your life has become and asks the question that you have long been evading: is it really worth it?

last night i leafed through my 2011 planner and realized how the year is fast approaching its end. just a couple of months and 2011 is all over. i went back to january and read my entries one by one. meetings, presentations, deadlines, a get-together, more meetings, workshops, deadlines, presentations, a night-out with friends, more meetings, more deadlines. i turned to february, then march, then april, until all the entries are gone. this is what my life has become: a endless line of meetings and deadlines punctuated with the occasional parties and night outs. and no, those meetings are not about feeding the hungry and helping the poor. those deadlines are not about doing my share to save the world.

those meetings and deadlines are all about the pay check that i will receive at the end of each bitchy month so that i can buy all the things i need to try to salve this gaping hole in me that goes by the name of purpose. those meetings and deadlines are all about pseudo accomplishments and praises that help distract me from this sinking feeling i sometimes call lost. those meetings and deadlines help me breakdown my year into minuscule  irritants that would create the illusion of time flying by so fast that i’m actually enjoying life.

2 months to go before the year ends. 2 months to go.

my mom is wicked

(me watching TV, Party Pilipinas)

mom: ano yan?

me: Party Pilipinas

mom: anung channel yan?

me: GMA

mom: ay, bakit ang pangit ng mga artista dyan?

me: uhm

I love yous

I texted a friend this morning and I said ‘I love you’,

I texted another friend another ‘I love you’,

and another friend an ‘I love you’,

and another,

and another,

and another,

‘I love you’

‘I love you’

‘I love you’.

I got used to  sending you ‘I love yous’ every morning

that now that I can’t,

I just have to send it to everybody else.

when the ground suddenly falls from your feet

when the ground suddenly falls from your feet, remember this:

the ocean roaring with energy

the waves crashing with force,

will drop by drop evaporate and be reduced into mist.

when the ground suddenly falls from your feet, remember this:

the ear-splitting thunder

the blind-inducing lightning,

will in less than a moment vanish into the darkening sky.

when the ground suddenly falls from your feet, remember this:

the cuddly babies

and the playful kids,

will so quickly transform into drunken, smoking teens.

when the ground suddenly falls from your feet, remember this:

that if the love we had,

the one that I thought will lasts,

can easily crumble into tiny minuscule pieces,

what more the solid, compact ground?